Trusting in the unknown

I have been meditating for around two and half hours a day for quite a long time now. Many months. And I’m approaching the one-year mark on my DNRS practice which is a type of meditation. This morning I had an extraordinary experience I want to share — but, writing about experiences that happen in the dreamworld between conscious and subconscious isn’t easy, so you’ll need patience.

I’m reminded of the hopelessness of conveying what I’m doing every time I use the word ‘meditation’. It’s such a small empty word next to the immense reality of moving energy and emotion around inside.

First, I need to set the stage. I read a book called Radical Remission that was mentioned in another Healing book I read… This one is about spontaneous remissions among cancer survivors, about people who used alternative medicine and healed. There is a chapter in the book about releasing emotional trauma and it recommends a therapy called BodyTalk. So I found a local practitioner and made an appointment.

I was very excited about this but the day before my appointment, my therapist called to cancel, saying she had meditated as she always does in advance of new appointments to request permission from her higher power to work with new clients… And she did not receive permission. She recommended that I see her teacher instead. So I booked a new appointment with her teacher Wendy, who actually lives only a few blocks from my house.

Then, to my surprise at the start of my much-anticipated BodyTalk appointment, my therapist Wendy explained that she was aware of ‘entity interference’ on me, in me or what have you. She said she sensed it the moment she woke up and reaffirmed when she met me. She said she would do BodyTalk with me but first wanted me to understand that she couldn’t realize the full potential of her work until my entity interference was cleared. This clearing work is something she used to do but gave up because of the risk to the practitioner of being exposed to it.

She referred me to a guy named Tom in Fort Collins who makes and ships selenite swords all around the world and teaches energy work seminars in faraway places. So, trusting in the unknown, I went to see Tom. First he tested me for about 30 types of energy interference and found three of them. In contrast to Wendy, Tom was very nonchalant about ‘Non-Beneficial Energies’ and cleared them for me with apparent ease while teaching me how to do it at home.

Then he brought me to his shrine room where I lay on a massage table while he worked on my chakras with his swords, waving them in the air around me. When he was working on my feet he asked me if I could feel the energy from the swords but my feet just felt cold. But when he switched to larger swords, I felt waves of static electricity moving over me as he moved the swords.

At times he chanted ‘More, more, more…’ which reminded me of a practice that I read about in the first healing book which started me on my path towards Tom and Wendy.

He banged an awesome Australian drum over me from head to foot and used Tibetan singing bowls.

After this, we moved down to his living room where he invoked the power of a number of spirits including Archangel Michael and the Virgin mother Mary while waving his swords around me again. During this energy work, I felt present, involved and grateful and at times emotional, especially impacted by his chanting, the drum and Tibetan bowls.

I certainly didn’t feel transformed or awestruck, though. Later that afternoon, however, after napping, I got really lost in my DNRS practice in a good way – what normally takes me 15 minutes may have taken 30 or longer. Then the next morning in my Blessing of the Energy Centers meditation I was blessed with a new power, the ability to feel inside my body, to feel the energy moving smoothly up from energy center to energy center (and to deeply relax my core). About two weeks earlier, I had discovered this ability in meditation but was only able to experience it in my head and maybe neck but no further down.

Prior to these experiences, I had considered ‘being present’ to mean being aware of my surroundings – now I understand and can experience that to include awareness inside my body. Sound like nonsense? Well I think it’s related to the ‘Avoidant’ attachment issues I inherited from infancy. I learned to live in my head and treat my body as a tool for making happen the things my mind dreamed up.

After Tom’s work, I feel lighter in some way that is nearly impossible to describe – just a vague energetic sensation and the feeling that the work I’m doing will start to show results. Speaking of which, it has been taking me eight or nine days to recover from a sauna. The last one I did post-Tom, was just four days ago and I think I could be ready for another tomorrow.

Okay, so getting back to this morning’s meditation… I have to tell you one more thing about my prior meditation for this to make sense. I have had this thing happen in the deepest moments of meditation where I experience a flash of emotion which causes me to suck in my breath, but it always lasted for less than one second so I couldn’t really identify it.

It was accompanied by a vision of nothing, like a vast expanding scene of gray and the feeling that I might cry or needed to cry or something, and nothing else. It happened about 10 times over 6 months and felt like an interruption in my meditation, because whatever was happening before, was no longer happening. Kind of like a reset.

This morning, I did my BOTEC 8 and then lay down for Transcendence by Remko Arentz. The Transcendence track is about 50 minutes long and I used the first 30 minutes or so for my long DNRS proclamation which is like my own personal Dispenza meditation if you can imagine writing your own script using all the ideas and words that touch you in the deepest way.

Towards the end of the track I was doing something I pulled from Hoʻoponopono which I read about in the Facebook Dispenza forum. Actually, I’ve been incorporating it into BOTEC as well saying ‘I’m sorry, forgive me, thank you, I love you’ over each energy center. But often in my meditations I like to repeat ‘thank you I love you’ and radiate that out. So I was doing this in my bed, towards the end of my two hours meditation and I was contemplating and experiencing the vast expanding blackness of the universe as I radiated ‘thank you, I love you’ when I started to feel the merging of my energy and consciousness. This feeling of merging came and went several times when suddenly I felt the flash of emotion come on that had teased me so many times in the past.

This time, I made an effort to relax and to welcome whatever was coming, saying to myself ‘ let it love you’ (from DJ’s Space Time). This time it stayed with me, swept over me and through me, lasting for maybe five or more seconds, but what it was, I can’t say, a hot, all consuming, intense nameless energy or emotion, that seemed to be bursting from every cell in my body. I didn’t cry but had tears in my eyes when it was gone. My ears were also ringing loudly. The Transcendence track was very near its end and I got up feeling I had experienced something immense, feeling grateful and wondering if I can or will experience this mystery again…

Later that day, my Candida detox symptoms picked up strongly and I can’t help attributing it to this phenomenon.